I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
