Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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