The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
