i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
