Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
