Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
