Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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