So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
