she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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