I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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