There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize