You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
