Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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