Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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