sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
