I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
