My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I could fuck to npr.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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