I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
