Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
