I cockslap morals
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
