Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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