there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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