I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
