The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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