Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
