just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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