If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
