How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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