I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
