I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
