So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She even gives head with a lisp.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
