Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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