Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
