my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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