I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
