did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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