i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
