this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
