There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
