New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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