Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
