Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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