I wannas sexs uuuuu
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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