I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
