Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
