You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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