Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
