In the future we'll all be gay
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my being single is dangerous.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
