I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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