Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My ass is underappreciated
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
