i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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