make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize