She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
