i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
