Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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