There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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