dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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