smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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