just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
