I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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