Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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