Fine. I'll sleep in my office
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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