just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
