I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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