the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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