You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
